How Starbucks has dumbed you down

I love coffee. In fact, I know the reason I am usually dehydrated is because I drink it so much. And don't tell me "Hey! I love coffee too!" when what you drink is called Folgers and comes in a big red plastic tub. That's not coffee. That's dirty water. Want a real coffee to brew at home? Try Bustelo. It comes in a yellow and red metal can. You'll never go back. Now to the matter at hand:

If you love Starbucks (and it can do no wrong in your eyes), sorry...I'm not sorry. This may not be the blog post for you. If your drink of choice is a venti-soymilk-triple-mochaccino-four-Splendas-whip-cream-with-extra-chocolate-sauce-and-two-ice-cubes please do me a favor and go f*** yourself leave. Actually, stay, because this post is really for you. This isn't aimed necessarily at Starbucks, but to all the big chains who are guilty of the dumbing down coffee drinkers everywhere.

If I'd have to pick a chain, Dunkin Donuts is where it's at. No froo-froo drinks with botched Italian wannabe names. Starbucks, get your facts straight. I prefer the local mom-and-pop shops that can make a mean espresso or a cappuccino with a mean froth. Why? Because I used to work as a barista in college. I learned to make coffee-based drinks at an authentic Italian pastry shop in Baltimore. I know the authenticity of a cappuccino made with elbow grease and not the push of a button. 

Here are a few of my (leftover) pet peeves from being a barista:

Number One: It's espresso. Not EX-press-o. Are you trying to hop onto the express-o train? Express yourself? No. Just, no. There's no X in espresso. Get it out of your head pronto.

Number Two: Baristas are not your servants. These people (even those at Starbucks) are trained at what they do. Don't bark orders at them as if they were a drive-thru speaker. You will probably get decaf (or vice versa).

Number Three: It's not venti.  Vente is the Italian word for twenty, and it ends with an "eh" sound, not "ee." Again, Starbucks, you fail at life. Update: I was informed by an Italian reader that I was wrong. Sono molto dispiaciuta per l'errore! (I'm so sorry for my mistake.) Italian friends, you are MORE than welcome to kidnap me. I'd LOVE to go back to Italy!

Number Four: A "venti" latte will not give you more caffeine than a grande latte. You get two shots of espresso in each. The larger size just has more steamed milk.

Number Five: If you expect some type of artsy fartsy design in the frothed milk sitting on your latte, you must be high on your life. Ain't nobody got time for that! Have you seen the line behind you?

Number Six: Don't spend the entire time you're in line to place your order talking on your phone. 9 times out of 10, the person doesn't even know what they want, wasting every one's time, and will probably change the drink at least twice. All while still keeping the person on the line. Get off your phone! (I realize this has nothing to do with Starbucks, but it's applicable to everything).

Number Seven: If you're NOT at Starbucks, DON'T order as if you are at Starbucks. I can't tell you how often the following type of scenario happened to me at the two coffee shops I worked at.

Someone walks in and asks me for a "caramel macchiato."  I make the drink, albeit sounding disgusting, and hand it to the customer. 

Him: "Where's the rest of it?"

Me: "What do you mean, Where's the rest of it?"

Him: "I asked for a caramel macchiato."

Me: (deflated) "Sir, that's what I made for you. A macchiato with a shot of caramel."

Him: (looking at me, confused, like I had three heads). "Um, this is not a caramel macchiato." (Proceeds to make a point by taking a sip. Makes a sour face.)

Me: (about to lose it) "Sir--"

At this point, my coworker comes to my rescue and whispers in my ear: "He's ordering like he's at Starbucks. What he wants is a latte, flavored with some caramel and vanilla syrup, with a drizzle of caramel over the frothed milk." 

Are ya kidding me? Why, Starbucks? WHY?! Macchiato means "stained" in Italian. Basically, it's your basic espresso shot with a tiny dash of frothed milk. Nothing more. Caramel Macchiato is NOT a standard coffee drink any where.

It's okay if you do one (or more) of the above.  Now you know. So, when you're not at Starbucks, be mindful. Look at the menu in front of you, preferably immediately after stepping through the door, and order what's actually there. Don't know an Americano from a Cafe au lait? It's ok. Baristas like to explain the difference.

Hopefully, I've been able to reverse the dumbing down of Starbucks for the lucky souls who read this.

Thank you for seeing the sarcasm throughout this post. Starbucks--please don't sue me.

Saturday Fashion Challenge: Results

Hello lovelies!  If you are reading this, chances are you saw my previous post Saturday Fashion Challenge where I challenged myself on adding a few elements to update my wardrobe.

I promised a full report on my findings.  Let me start off with something that I had been coveting since my first trip to TJMaxx.  I saw this coffee-themed artwork and fell in love with it.  I even took a picture of it in the store (I'm not exactly sure why!) and promised myself that if it was there when I returned, I'd get it.  Well, there it was.  Print signs are all the rage now and I needed one!

On to the goods!  I didn't find any items that matched my goal at TJMaxx.  But, can I just say how AMAZING the blog world is?  I posted my challenge and I already had several little stylists tweeting, commenting and emailing me suggestions.  I felt so loved! A friend who read my blog suggested I go to Kohl's as they have awesome Lauren Conrad blazers and skinny jeans right now (about $30 each).  Another blogger friend suggested I go to Target because she found several leopard print items, along with nice fitted blazers.

Target won!  Here are the awesome finds from Target:

So I found my leopard print flats for only $11.  Yay!  Then, as I was walking around, I spotted the mettalic ones on clearance for...yes, you read right, a whopping $7.48!  Um, YES!  Ecstatic!  However, Target was all out of the tailored blazers (both in the store and online!).  I'll have to go out  to Kohl's on another day!

I also went to Marshalls (because Marshalls is amazing!).  I found this shirt for $16.99 that I can use under a cardigan like my inspiration on the right.  Or I can use under a blazer!  It's not leopard, but does have animal print.

My search continues for a dark blazer, a tan blazer, a brightly colored blazer, and a leopard scarf.  

Thanks to those who helped me out!  It was like having my own personal shoppers on board!

For this post I have linked up with the Weekend Blog Hop to meet more blog friends!  Isn't her button just adorable?  Makes me want to live back North so I can see the pretty leaves.  Sigh.

I've also linked up with Complete Waste of Makeup for the Sunday Social!  Join in!

What is currently on my wish list? Oh boy.  A Canon Rebel SLR camera to take awesome pictures for my blog (and future babies).  A MacBook.   What is a new fall TV show you've added to your DVR? REVOLUTION! If you haven't yet watched it...do so Monday nights!  Share your social media links: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram Which one is your favorite, and why?  That's tough.  I love Twitter the most right now, only because it's brand new to me!  I've been on less than a week!  I've started liking Facebook less. Name a TV show/Movie/Song that you could watch/listen to all day and not get tired of: TV show...hmm, I have lots of favorite TV shows but I actually can get bored watching the same show repeatedly.  I could watch the animated film "Anastasia" all day long.  (The music is beautiful, don't judge!) I could listen to either "Un bel di" from Puccini's opera Madama Butterfly, or "Nanga Ti Feo" by the Mexican rock band Camila.  Both have such beautiful melodies, yet they are both so different.

Friday Favorites

It's Friday Favorites time!

I also hopped onto this blog hop:

I have a few things to share with you that I've loved this week.  Here goes:

Favorite kid: This darling little girl made me laugh this morning.  Election day is less than a week away, and this little girl, Abby, is just FED UP with this grueling political season.  She wasn't able to pronounce the President's name and this is what makes her so cute!  Laugh with me!

Favorite finds: As you all know, I moved a few months ago from Maryland.  I still have lots of stuff in boxes (I make believe the boxes aren't there.  Don't judge).  I was looking for something and I found these two items very dear to my heart.  Our wedding invitation from March 28, 2009, and the first Christmas ornament we received as a married couple by my sister-in-law Amanda.  Wasn't she sweet?  She even wrote "Together Forever" in my first language, Spanish.

Favorite morning essentials: Mi cafecito cubano (My Cuban coffee), Café Bustelo, and coffee creamer, Coffee-mate 'natural bliss' creamer.  The hubs replenished our stock for me yesterday (love) and got me a new cream flavor, vanilla.  I usually get the 'sweet cream' flavor, but this one is also good.  I love Café Bustelo because it has a deliciously rich strength to it, and it only costs about $4 for a 10 oz can.  Try it.  You'll never go back to any other "dirty water" coffee again!

Favorite giveaways: Adorable Cassie at Two in Diapers, bubbly Katie at Keep Calm and Carry On *, and BFF Mrs. Bear at Think Happy Thoughts have three fabulous giveaways.  Be sure to visit their sites and enter.  I have my fingers crossed for me winning!

Favorite sponsors: I'd like to thank the wonderful ladies at Two in Diapers, Supermom Eats and Neats, Newlywed Moments, Eat Live Make, Leroy Lime, and Mommy Huh for sponsoring my blog.  Such sweet and strong women!  Visit their sites as well!

Favorite Halloween movie: I almost forgot to mention Hocus Pocus.  I watched this TWICE on Halloween night.  Yeah, laugh all you want but it is AWESOME!  Sarah Jessica Parker is in it, so if you loved her on Sex and the City you should watch her as a ditsy blonde for a change!

I think that's all for today!  Have a great weekend

*I received a Sweepstakes Entry in exchange for blogging about this.